Randomly, I picked one.

Please don't say you don't remember,

I may recall a little... but basics I know.

Blurred vision... I can't stand.

While I was sitting... I fell on my back,

I hit my head, but you where there.

Came to me and asked me to talk...

I just said I'm sorry, and laid down there.

Don't know what happened next... but some lips touched mine.

And it wasn't just once... it was twice.

Don't know what it meant, but that's definitely not what I expected.

In my head, I asked: What the fuck?!

But my face stayed on blank.

I don't want to ask you about that... I wouldn't like any answer.

But just for you to know... and I thought you did, I don't like that!

I'm not like her and I do care.

Remember when I told you that I enjoyed your company because it was free of prejudices?

Well, my dear... It just became hard to call you dear.

Forever 17.

Goodbye to year of dreams coming true,

a year where almost everything could happened.

I did many, created a lot.

When everything seemed so easy and complicated at the time.

Me and a city, where my faith and I were my only possessions.

My favorite part: No regrets.

So there's no way that I can be more thankful with God,

Damn! I had a great time.

And everything get clearer.

Expanded mind and shorter words.

Hearts broken, large smiles, headaches and fights.

Absolutely everything was worth it.

And I think about it often, because I liked every single day.

My daily experience, new stories to tell... less personal feelings to say.

Freedom all it's way, courage on my veins.

Centered and focused, but not yet with feet on ground.

When there's so much left, makes me wonder: what's next?
So many things come to my mind... and I am ready.

Holding my-self, to not hesitate. Not eating the world in one bit.

But I feel like it's mine.

I'm not trying to sound superb, I'm just comfortable to say that I am who I am.

I was having a blast!

Lets role in our skates,

holding hands like milkshakes and cherries on top.

"Escribo, ella escribió, que la memoria es frágil y el transcurso de una vida es breve y sucede todo tan deprisa. que no alcanzamos a ver la relación entre los acontecimientos, no podemos medir la consecuencia de los actos, creemos en la ficción del tiempo, en el presente, el pasado y el futuro, pero puede ser también que todo ocurre simultáneamente, como decían las tres hermanas Mora". - Isabel Allende; La Casa De Los Espíritus.

"I did. I walked out the door." - JB

Then I met you.

I was thinking,

you didn't interrupted me... it made me wonder why.

But I was busy,

I had a date... yes honey! and it was with you.

I was enjoying and letting myself go

with every minute passing by

I was swimming between every breath I took,

and you still didn't stopped me.

I was getting a comfort smile,

my body started to sink on the couch, and suddenly I became the couch.

my hair went away and danced with the wind,

and I laid down...

sparkles sprout out of my chest...

and I wasn't there.

The music crossed my ears but I didn't hear.

I was in peace; mind, body and soul... all together for once.

There's when I fell in love with me,

and wont do any "lovers" promises, because you are not my lover...

I don't want to... I just love you.

...and I'm thinking: I found myself on a hard way.

...and then I shut my eyes.

Dear enemy:

I feel that I can’t exist without you, I might hate you with all my heart but your still part of me, I’m proud when I beat you, and more of it because I did it, I don’t want anything or anyone else to bring you down, although I like to see you defeated, It feels so much better when I introduce my sword between your lungs, and you sing to me that melody of clemency for me to kill you and stop the torture. Well, for you, there’s never ending, you were made to suffer, and to be humiliated every time, with every sight and word. Please don’t die right now, because I need you, you are so evil and you don’t leave any kind of good on me, but I still need you. I can’t feel superior, I can’t fight, I can’t get forces against any… I just want you to exist. Let us have an eternal battle that would lead us into an eternal war were we would be destroying all of what we posses and love, our bodies won’t count anymore, who needs them? Those kinds of harms are weak, they don’t compare to the ones that are building and stored inside our souls; the ones that bring down at night, the ones that make you cry louder, when the tears burn, your fists are tightened harder, the teeth are pressed against each other and gives you submissive headaches, the ones that you can’t run away from, the ones that make company everywhere… everytime. There’s no medicine for them, no genetic cure, no steps ,no breaths; they got so buried inside, beneath every muscle, every bone, pores, hair follicles, skin chaps, and you start to love them, and wanting them… you would be nothing if you didn’t posses them, they are pure strength. I might sound terribly negative, but when you get to an extreme, it isn’t hard to twist all around, It’s so much that the heavy weight makes the balance spin upside down. Remember me when you are on your death hysteria, my arrogant ways and my dictator eyes, you’ll never find peace on them and hell yeah you will see them staring until the death of time, because what you can’t see on this world will follow in the next. You will never run away from me. I’ll never be sorry, the endless story. It’s my anger speaking. Because I lose a little bit of redemption every time that I listen your steps crossing the gothic hall.

Most of all, what makes you so perfect is that I can’t bring you down, and the truth about all this cataclysm: I admire you.

I'm thinking in black coffee...

This is my world, let me introduce...

I want to get this point clear:

I don't like you,

I don't wanna date you,

I don't wanna fuck you,

I don't wanna kiss you,

I don't wanna hug you,

I don't wanna love you,

I just want to know you.

Get through all the crap and see what's inside.

Suspended in the air.

I crossed myself this morning with this magazine.

Very interesting, with subjects that I might get familiar with.

I started to think... what's going on inside my head?

I tried to understand... then a face passed by my thoughts,

and I saw the situation.... then I shake my head and try to read again.

I focused on the point of the reading... to become a reader, not a protagonist.

Then somebody's idea interrupted my calmed feelings, and this time i tried to take a deep breath so I could keep on reading and maybe fix some pieces of whatever it is! ...but I couldn't, I choked.... I couldn't get air, I was fading away but remained conscious, I kept on my real way there wasn't a solution for me to get rid of....

Then I thought of you and I realized that theres any, any way... that I can't be this impulsive. Rubbing my eyes, pressing my face against my hands, I can't get the center.

I'm trying to text you away, So I don't puke! But the room becomes smaller, and the fan starts to spin slower... and I can't breath.

Makes me wonder if I'm just having this paranoid attack, but if I'm the paranoid who's gonna tell me...

I figure out: if I'm alone... Who am I talking with?

And I'm sick of being my own freaking psychologist, finding a reason, finding a solution or pattern for every reaction that I take... I can't get myself understand that, that isn't gonna make them less harmful.

Then I calm myself... some sort of bipolarity, I wish I could have that disease... at least if I am crazy... I wouldn't know... Who can ever convince a lunatic, that he's insane?

Give me, looking and digging for my dose of caffeine along with the incomparable mint&nicotine.

Sideout in a button, incredible things that you can learn from random labels.

Addict by 18.

Sudden moon threatening, on the highest spotlight to come out.

And there's me and my eternal way to become the dessert.

Sucumbir.

"Pensando en igual balanza el placer y la aflicción".

A dessert for every sin.

Que la conciencia no pese;

cada acto cometido reducido a un pequeño deleite.

Cause sometimes I need to ask.

I'm not closer...

Just like a puppet playing a fool,

reminds me that I'm little,

and I'm losing it because of your indifference.

Let's just don't.

Wow! I didn't realize... we are not playing.

I just want to call it off.

It's so uneasy.

Leve suspiro,

a lighter up.

I'm not looking around,

I just can look at you.

Sorry if I'm silent,

I'm just trying to fix the words inside my head,

most of all, figure out what's what I'm thinking.

I might adopt that manner,

just to brush your hair while you fall asleep,

but that's just not me.

I never learn how to be and not be... I never got the question.

As easy as choosing.

The only thing I know is...

who am I kidding? Just a coffee...

and if you go along with me,

I'll a make flirtation way to taste a sweeter conversation.

Whatever I guess...

I was thinking about you, and all the things that I wont say.

And the important highlight of the evening:

...I wish I could black out your goodbye kiss.

Banal courtesy.

When you stood up in there,
It was like watching you speak.
Trying to scream,
to make us understand,
a flawful idea swimming beneath an inner you.
Vertebras breaking and clacking,
scientific methods, and neurons trying to send messages that wont come out,
a little sparkle to chain.

Baby you don't have to worry,
cause I'm not talking about you... it's someone else,
the one that I haven't met.

Close your eyes for a moment
and dispel all of your thoughts and beliefs.
I don't pretend for you to separate from yourself,
it's a little portion of clarity to hold.

Try something new, something that you would be scared of, because that's a part that you haven't develop... and emotions and reactions would be like virgins in love.
Some sort of ectasis, as far as now; the state of being stretched beyond normal dimensions.
You got nothing to lose, and of course, you can say no... but what the hell, when are you gonna see me again?

Bitting lips.

I love what you have, and what's not mine.

Discreet tones, I want to stay calm.

So am I insane or do I really see heaven in your eyes? - Amy W.

High speed

Stop whispering on my ears

I want to see it

feel it and read in your eyes.

I promise i will bring you down,

down in here.

you wont be that high

die with me

mortals in bed

Face each other...

Sweetie let me tell you very close.

I'm misbehaving and stepping on rough.

Just don't ignore it!

It's not above, neither beneath.

I didn't wanted it to change,

now it's doubtable and delicate.

Breakable.

Skinny touch.

Revolution; cause it shouldn't.

I wonder: is there a fault?

How could it be...?

You gotta be kidding.

Imploded version.

I wasn't up to give up.

Different times, large scale.

I don't believe in maybes.

For the first time,

I'm... I can't stop denying, I do not regret,

it was beautiful when we still haven't met.

You existed long ago,

I arrived before, without noticing.

It's not that bad...

It just means.

Nena, no tienes idea.

Te conviertes y regresas.

Aún no lo se.

Tiempo se deliza... y lo pierdo.

Solo quiero un ti.

un poco, no mucho.

Sacia, termina... que se siente volátil.

Fixing.

Some stories should never be told,

Blue...

Because if I'm not gonna see tomorrow,

I gotta say that I loved today.

Maybe it's true, but how am I suppose to know?

Never saw,

just felt...

It was nice... hard to tell.

taking it all... because I want it all!

Repeating, more than heaven.

Floating high above...

Creatures taken under the bed,

Overwhelmed.

Freaked out? I'm staring on blank.

Bad timing... even for me.

So much, tempted to not resist.

Desirable and lovable.

What's wrong about a second time? I heard.

I might wait... but what can I say...

I do; you are just... unreachable...

at least that's what I thought.

Surprised, my littleness flourishing.

Burying... trying to go back; back in a time where you didn't insist... I meant existed.

Unstable, did I choose?

Yes, and pleasure was so rejoicing, that I started to think it might be sinful.

Unbelievable again.

But I hope; forgive me for it...

Call when your touch becomes legal.

If you please, I wont promise, but I know I wont say no.

Choked.

Don't!

It's not a reason what I'm looking for,

Breath...

it's just peace mind.

I know...

Amable.

Living on my sweet dreamland,

I don't mind.

What you are,

and you represent so much.

You are cause.

Now you are a reason.

Blown,

windy,

fresh morning,

so interested that i can't look around

It's you... you, tender.

Hermosamente definida,

cada línea,

cada movimiento.

Orgullosamente tu.

Sencillamente, viviendo.

Respirando.

Tan temerosa, precavida a la vez.

No eres imperceptible,

sensorialmente visible.

Eres... solamente lo eres.

Anhelos, fragiles... tibios.

It just feels like it...

Nils Carlsson.

I don´t wanna lie, I can´t tell the truth, it's over.

Immortal words, resounding in my head.

Well, i can´t spell it out,

it such an impossible situation.

So much to feel,

quite a few moments.

You´re there, reading at every word,

and even though, I know you understand the meaning of every single phrase,

you want to hear it.

I don´t want to say it,

I hate dreams coming true,

they end with everything,

there's no imagination left,

there's no sparkle,

no innocence,

no naivety.

Honestly, you are more than what you think you are,

your freshness it´s what I love the most,

i love your way... and all the outline.

I love your representation of simplicity.

And the way that I am freaking out in this moment.

So littlle, so significative.

Because I don´t wanna get to mature!

Means freedom all the way!

And... also for you.

Im sorry, but i can´t control this.

I just can ignore it, along with all around.

But why it has to so bad?

Isn´t it a daily story?

For me, the story of my life.

Oh yeah, I forgot the little omnipresent detail.

Her.

But it gets easy with time,

I promise this, I'll turn it, if you want to give me the space.

You're so important! That I don't know how you get there.

I miss you.

And you are not that special.

I just like you.

You said blank.

Hoy y mañana,

tardaste.

Y te quiero ver.

Lo siento, tu y nomás tu.

Déjame.

¿Porqué jugar con tanta gracia?

Piensas, no piensas,

trato y contengo...

Ganas tengo de avalanzarme hacia ti.

Tomarte, arañarte y dejarte vacío.

No es conmigo, repito.

Tomar, dejar.

De nuevo, tu.

Pero cariño, no puedes negar lo bien que nuestros cuerpos encajan,

nuestras mentes divagan.

Permíteme, adentro y más adentro,

ha sido hasta donde tu has querido.

No otra vez,

simplemente voltear mi cabeza,

avanzar, no importar, no querer y no sentir.

¿Qué tan lejos? o ¿Qué tan cerca?

Hablame, dime, cuentame... informame.

Baila conmigo, solo como pretexto.

¿Piensas en ella?

Yo no.

Dime solo un poco.

Prometo... prometo...

Miento.

Dirigeme tu cuerpo,

direccionalo,

estremecete al ritmo mio,

Sígueme, anda.

No pares en este momento,

porque ¡Dios! Qué bien se siente.

¿Placer? Solo pídelo.

Te lo dare, vorázmente.

No te arrepentirás, satisfacción garantizada.

Tuyo, mi cuerpo. Solo pídelo.

¿Cariño? El más dulce que existe,

agrio para no empalgar.

Volar,

y regresar para que te des cuenta que es real

que no pierdas el piso.

Dejame quererte, y lo obtendrás en conjunto...

Despacio, más despacio...

te hablare oído.

y hare que entres en ese trance dormido...

donde todo se discipa y flota.

Yo puedo, creeme.

Solo quiero saber de qué se trata.

Sincero y honesto.

No te canses ahora,

disfruta de mi,

conmigo.

Como lo hago de ti.

Long... longer.

You say,
I say...
maybe tomorrow,
but no.

Promises? Not again, please!
Believe me, i'm not lying.
But i took so much time to realize,
but now i'm into you,
sorry for taking longer than I should,
... you are not,
and didn't... at least not with me.

And im so anxious!
maybe, maybe...
it's not a permision,
it's just pleasure.

Blow my head,
im there, close...
don't look around, look at me!
Let me warm you
and make you smile all day long.

Good morning... yeah, whoever you are.

Where it supposed to be,

when it changed, whatever you can say...

speaking some...

but i stopped listening,

tell me all about it,

got the constant question,

but i wish i knew which is it...

keeping myself in wonder,

my new caffeine this morning,

im not spinning...

you don't have me spinning,

stiff.

Not juicy, not even close... tasting bitter.

Trapped? Don't know what you're saying.

Where's my little doll?

Am I just feeling the heat?

Dear; dearest... maybe too rushy.

Hey! i can't give you the blame.

I wanna hold it for me.

Something for me to think often.

Sounds in a wider space.

Mine.

But.

Sudden eyes waving up and down.

The street called me to step on it...

and not to walk by the side...

she wants my feet touching its ground.

even though they are too sloppy to hear 'em

when i marched my raisising race...

but no toward.

Pretty and beautiful... constants that i can't keep on my speech.

so omnipresent - taking the given blur.

and the story that you told me every night

before i went to bed...

i wanted to sleep, your voice on my ears.

It's a loving not there... just for the ride to my rutine.

Thanks... cause i love that i can keep a thank you smile...

when all the words are still stored on my head.

I would know, with my eyes closed.

A moment ago, i had a picture on my head of you and I.

Now its literally infront of my sight,

and it is so damn georgeous!

we supose to be together, right?

is not that my conscious wants it... it just feels like it.

It takes me back, to wonderful times.

what else do you want?

It's there... avoiding it, casually discreet.

Tighten and profound.

so private, so intimate, so jealous... so us.

Words are trapped, can think straight again!

don't know how to pretend... don't know what to say.

Why are we so weak to the truth?

We supose to have it by forecast...

it's you with your face against mine.

It's something that just can't be ignored.

...those are your lips touching, brushing,

with softness and caress... mine.

Those are my lips trying to say that I love you.

Who would know?

It dragged me down,

with my head in my toes.

my dried throat, soring.

I shall... end this.

we weren't ready.

I wasn't.

It suposed to be foward,

never look back.

...im sorry, im just so sorry!

my body it's heating from insideout.

baby you aren't there!

...and i want to get rid of,

i want to disappear it,

but so you are so alive and present.

And the voice screming inside my head:

LET IT GO!.

Let's fuck this shit!.

Blacking out.

Blurred maybe...

falling perhaps,

trying to keep straight...

but everything was moving so fast!

Keep thinking by myself, if the euphoria you made me feel was just by being comfortable.

But it was so right, now i just can't leave the idea, it follows me...

No prejudice, drama or things to hide... nothing seems to be wrong.

and i wonder if its just the way you are, or im having utopian and orgasmic thoughts.

I promised my self i wouldnt screw it up again, but it is so tempting.

You looked so good, so relaxed, cute and casual; hard to resist.

Don't blame me, please! I just like the way you make me fall asleep.

And im thinking.... im just being a girl or i confused myself with my instincts.

I don't mind... you were, for a moment, what i wanted.

Just a person that came in, in the right time, moment and place.

I want to know you stranger... you captured me.

Because I think it's beautiful.

Because tonight i don't feel sorrow,

because i've been thinking about you,

because i just saw the day lighting me up,

because i smiled to you, when you walked away from me this afternoon,

because i am feeling free,

no press upon my chest,

with words to spell;

because i am breathing profusely,

because im gonna sit right next you, and i'm going to stay,

because i'm fine and you are fine.

Because today i didn't get mad,

i laughed with joy,

i saw you with tenderness,

nothing seems the same;

because i needed to cry,

i needed to crawl groundly, so i could rise up...

Because it's changed,

because we chose,

because i don't regret,

because im feeling good...

For all the things i learned

all i felt, all i did, all i refuse, defeat, and earned.

Because im grateful,

nothing is new, nothing's old...

just different.

And all things that i feel today

and all i want to preserve

you on my memory

my dark secret, side and story.

because you're there,

and you came to stay...

maybe you wont sit next to me...

but you wont get that far

because its so much more than that,

because its deeper,

because i still don't understand,

because im a girl,

because... just cause...

Because i think your beautiful.

It's been a long time.

Wow! It's been a year since I haven't write a thing, and im not talking here, even on paper!

I have to say that tons of things may happen in a year.

Some of them can be amazingly great and some others devastating; fortunately for me, the greatest won.

Yes! A lot of pain, but it doesn't compare with the time that I couldn´t stop smiling when i walked through the street or wherever I went.

I was scared, you know... but everything was worth it... every single fight with my mom, every tear, every word, sight and rumor... because I was happy.

It was the a holly sin for me.

Unfourtately, it´s over! And it happened in the worse way it could!

Anyway, my heart was so damn broken, and I was devastated as hell; but I think it´s so much more than that, because, we weren´t just a couple in love... it was deeper, I can´t even put a name to what we were, I just know that whenever I hold to my deepest and prettiest memory, I know that there's where I belong; it has buried on me... it feels home.

I can´t have you now, and I don´t think we´ll get it again. We're so ok... everything´s fine, for now. You can find me later.

Love, greetings(: